I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
