If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize