We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
