WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
