I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
