The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
True strength comes from lack of pants
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
