Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
