I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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