I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
