a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
