are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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