people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
