Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
You're like the curious george of whores
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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