You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
