you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
