you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
