I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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