just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
