What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
