i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
