We got so high we made milksteak
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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