I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
