Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I wish i was in the wii world.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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