I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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