in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
false alarm. still invincible.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
