i barfeds in our rink
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
