Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
