Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
