Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
