Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Randomize
