Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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