Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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