You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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