My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
