Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
