Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
