my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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