The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
