Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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