So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
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