A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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