can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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