The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
