the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
soo... how was my night?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
