I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
