my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Randomize
