I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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