You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
