It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
