i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
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