You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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