see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Randomize
