I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
